The Joy of Nothing: a life exercise

Posted by Melissa Kane on July 9, 2012 in Guest Blogs

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So now, I’m middle-aged, college educated, mother of three boys, wife, gardener, and writer.  I exercise, worry about loosing 20 pounds, fuss over my children’s homework and messy penmanship, and can never seem to get caught up with the laundry.  From what I observe, this is quite typical, but lately I feel this secret building inside me.  I think it is contentment (you know, happiness), but I’m not complete sure.  I don’t mean that “I had a good/great day” type of feeling.  I mean the underlying element of your persona you carry around with you every day.  The part you can’t fix with a chocolate bar, monster session at the gym, or trip to the mall.  So I’m wondering, how do you measure contentment? 

I used to believe I would be thrilled to achieve my life milestones like graduating college, getting married, buying a home, and having kids.  These things are gratifying, but they are often replaced by other ambitions like going back to school to get my MBA, writing a wonderful and witty best-selling book, and raising my children well.  For a long time my ambitions just hung around in the basement of my mind asking me when I was going to working on that book or if I would ever start those MBA classes.  Then recently I gave myself permission to tangibly pursue those dreams or mentally wash them down the drain.  Hanging onto things I can never find the time to do might mean I don’t really want to do them after all.  I realized my life’s goals are not short-term items on a checklist.  They are elements of my life that I have to work for and develop every day of my life. 

So, I made a list of my life goals.  Then I revised it and started tracking my progress.  Then I found myself jotting down ways to work even harder on achieving or maintaining them on a daily basis.  I started setting up real milestones for myself like living healthier, taking time out every day to enjoy fun things with my kids, and helping my husband achieve his goals.  These things help me appreciate that the best things in life are free like smiles, laughter, sharing, hugging, learning, working together, playing, and singing.  After all, a trip to the mall doesn’t really make you happier.  It takes your mind off your troubles for a while, but when you get home with those new pair of killer jeans, your soul hasn’t benefited from the experience.  You may look great to everyone else, but how do you look at yourself?

And so, I’m back to how to measure contentment?  Is it the point at which you want for nothing?  Can we only get brief glimpses of it at a time or can we sit down and stay for a while?  For me contentment is a strange but wonderful experience.  Strange because so much of my life I’ve felt uneasy because I hadn’t achieved what I’d wanted to in life.  But, I found I was really measuring things rather than feelings.  Things are temporary band-aids whose benefits wear off quickly, whereas feelings are permanent emotional memories we carry with us always to re-experience whenever we like.  We often think of children as the epitome of contentment, but I’m sure they don’t worry about goals and progress – they are just happy.  Children enjoy each day and moment in a way adults seem to lose sight of as time goes by.  The more and more content I feel, the more wonderful and appreciative I am of my life in the universe.  I find myself floating on air and never wanting to return to the dark side where pessimism and anxiety drown out everything else.

Perhaps my extended bouts of happiness are the result of my choosing the things I want to do each day rather than aimlessly wandering from one expected duty to another.  My true inner goals and needs are clear to me and staying true to them is crucial.  If an activity arises that doesn’t help me to stay true to my inner goals, I must find a way to decline or choose another, more suiting activity.  This analysis doesn’t take more than a fraction of a second.  It is very empowering, fulfilling, and glorifying. 

Then I wonder, why now?  What’s different?  The answer is many things, and yet not much.  Perspective is the key, I suppose.  If every second of every day we can love our bodies, believe in our spirit, and nurture our soul, then we will know the joy of wanting for nothing.

Written by Melissa Kane

Melissa A. Kane is a panic and stress disorder survivor who has been writing inspirational fiction most of her life. She credits her sustained recovery to journaling, running, and fiction. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in English from Iowa State University. Kane manages a website devoted to helping women cope with the crippling effects of panic and anxiety.

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