Who Do You Love?

Posted by on February 10, 2012 in Ken's Blogs, Love versus Fear

Who Do You Love?

I wrote in a blog a few weeks ago about one of my life principles being “Love vs. Fear – we always have a choice”. The premise was that for any situation that arises in our life, we always have a choice as to how we see and respond to the situation. We can look at the glass as half full and respond from an emotion rooted in love, or we can look at the glass as half empty and respond from an emotion rooted in fear. We always have choice. I recently came across a quote that I think highlights this principle very well.

“A fight is going on inside me,” said an old man to his son. “It is a terrible fight between two wolves. One wolf is evil. He is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other wolf is good. He is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you.”

The son thought about it for a minute and then asked, “Which wolf will win?”

The old man replied simply, “The one you feed.”
Wendy Mass, Jeremy Fink and the Meaning of Life

This makes all the sense in the world to me. For those that are constantly filling their minds with thoughts of worry and self-doubt, that’s who they become. They’re the “Debbie Downer” that comes to the party and tell stories about things that just aren’t right with life. There’s the story about being the “victim” of a situation and the implication that “{bad} things just keep happening to me”. They’re also the ones that can’t wait to tell you story after story about themselves. Inside them, the evil wolf is winning the fight.

On the other hand, for those that regularly choose to look at the bright side of things and fill their minds with thoughts of kindness and peace, that’s who they become. They see the good in other people, they’re the ones with the stories starting with “you’re not going to believe what happened the other day …” It seems like good things just keep happening to them.

Which wolf are you feeding?

And where does the feeding start?

I’ve noticed a lot of articles, blogs and posts over the past couple of weeks talking about the ability for people to appreciate and love themselves. I think a lot of people are very good at recognizing and acknowledging the successes of others. If a colleague offers an inspiring speech, writes an uplifting story, or does a good job at work or on the playing field, they’re genuinely pleased for the person and offer words of praise and encouragement. But for many, they can’t generate the same pleasure for themselves when they have a similar success. Even after receiving glowing reviews for their work, there may be the thoughts that it could have been better.

For some reason, many people seem to judge themselves much harsher than they judge others. When we look at others that are carrying an extra ten pounds of weight, we hardly notice, if we notice at all. If someone else makes a mistake, we may notice it but in most cases we forget about it very quickly. Heck, we all make mistakes so let’s just get over it. But put that mirror up in front of us and what do we see? Many see the ten extra pounds and start to beat themselves up inside for it. Many remember the mistakes that they’ve made and beat themselves up for that too.

When you look in the mirror, what do you see?

I had a great conversation with a friend the other day about this topic and she said to me that “we all have our own sh++ show”. I’ve remembered that phrase and told that story several times since then. I find it funny but oh so relevant. Everybody has something that they aren’t very proud of or aren’t very good at, but how we choose to look at those things has a large bearing on the person we become. And let’s face it we all have things that we’re good at and we all have things that we’re not very good at. If we belabor the negative and look mostly at the things that we’re not very good at, we move toward becoming the victim, the defeatist, the self-pity person, the person that just can’t seem to have things go right. But if we acknowledge and move on past the negatives and think about the good things about ourselves we can move into a much better space of acceptance and love for ourselves. And really, is there a better place to be?

If someone asked you the question “if you could be anyone else in the world, who would it be?” how would you answer the question? Would you choose to be someone rich, someone famous, someone powerful, an athlete, who would you choose? But remember, before you choose, that they also have their own “sh++ show”. I know my answer, “no one”. I choose to be me, I choose to appreciate me for all my strengths and weaknesses. Yes, I have my own sh++ show, but I choose to believe that I am exactly the person I’m meant to be at this time, and there’s no one else I’d rather be.

Who do you love? And which wolf are you going to feed?

If you’d like to share an interesting appreciate yourself story, send it along to [email protected].

If you’d like to make sure you don’t miss a blog, sign up for our newsletter.



Written by Ken

Ken Jaques describes himself as a Health Care Evolutionary, Community Builder, and Speaker. True healing begins when we treat root causes instead of just masking symptoms. Diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis (RA) in 2008, Ken has experienced many facets of the health care system. As “the only patient who ever lost their hair on this low of a dosage of chemotherapy” – as spoken by his rheumatologist – Ken has been on an amazing journal of self-discovery, a journey of true healing. In his blog, Ken shares stories of how his beliefs have changed over the past few years, and how they are still changing. Is it possible that our bodies can heal themselves? Do we really have to live without hope after we receive a chronic illness diagnosis? These are the types of questions that Ken encourages people to ask themselves as they embark on their own physical or emotional healing journey.

Ken is creating a platform to connect People, Patients, Practitioners, Partners and Promoters, enabling a collaborative effort to help shift the focus on health from I-llness to We-llness. Check out the pilot at www.myHealthyCommunity.ca.

“When ‘I’ is replaced with ‘we’, even I-llness becomes WE-llness” ~ Malcolm X

1 Comment

  1. Love your post. I am thinking right now of who I am feeding 🙂

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *